Hidden Memories

As I packed my goal of one to three boxes a day, I've come across things I knew I had, but forgotten about. Memories flooded back from the last few years, hidden or missed over this time.

I remember buying these 100 Chinese bike-tube patches for less than $2. I've only used 3 so far. I've biked many-a miles from my old apartment (>3000). My bike could tell stories, some of the ending with him getting extra care in our front little grass-patch, as I bandaged him up. But sure as a marine, he leaves no man (or woman) left behind: He's still my trusty transportation! 

I remember when I brought home the first orphan-flowers. Being thrown out at work, I brought them home 2.5 years ago amid snickers from coworkers. Their new home gave them soup-can or plastic-cup pots to stretch their roots into. Later they acquired real "clothes" of terra-cotta pots. Now, they bask in my new window, among other orphan plants, waiting for summer to blossom.

I remember when a Starbucks customer gave me a bag over the counter, saying the scarf was just perfect for me. What that meant, I had no idea until I opened it up on my break. Lo and behold! I pulled it out. And kept pulling it out. And Kept pulling it out! 11 feet later... yes eleven feet later, I found the other end with matching gloves and a hat!



And this scarf has come in hand this winter., I've been toasty warm in these winter years -okay months- of below freezing and negative temperatures with its long, long, long arms encircling me up to 4 times!

I remember when I rolled and stuffed posters into this tube before going on the bike trip to France. I was so certain that after I returned from France, I would be starting a new life teaching in Haiti. I wanted at least a few wall-memories to take with me along with some of my art. And here they are, I never did unroll them after that plan fell through, which turned out for the betterment of all. The pain has softened.



I remember countless nights in the dorm room with Heidi, Andrea, Kara, Allie, and so many others, drinking hot chocolate, tea, or just hot water from this little hot-pot. We learned and gained friends and sisters, character polishing and refining, tears and hugs: precious moments that are graven into my heart and life. And of course, keeping with tradition, our mood or need in that moment decided for which mug of meaning was used (or was offered by the others!). Life is fun and joy-filled, even with broken areas of us. Beauty and encouragement from multiple avenues. Chaos and simplicity, contrasts and strengths, and character amidst stress.




Beautiful blessings pop out everywhere when I take a moment look around. What blessings and memories has he brought to you?

Moving Musings

The Abbey. The Downtown Abbey of Chicago. Close to work, friends, and Lake Michigan. L tracks right next to us, ambulances at all hours of the night, and people everywhere. Flower baskets, Christmas lights, and anticipation in the air. The Abbey. A place of refuge for a college graduate. A haven for Child Care Worker turned barista. Rest for a tired soul. Home.

About three weeks ago, the situation became clear. I wasn't planning on it. I did not want to do it. But it was needed. I chose to move.

That last word slowed life to a halt. I was choosing to leave the home I knew, the location I loved. Reasons for moving were real and pressing.

But I don't like moving, even though I can pack a box with items to be moved so that there is no packing material needed, no corner left unused, and therefore using as few boxes as possible. Even though I know the boxes, how to label each and write it down to eliminate digging through 10 boxes for the 1 item I need. Even though I can stack odd-shaped boxes without wasting an inch of floor/car/moving space.

I have moved 11 times. This is #12. Moving is "old-hat." Outwardly excited, this time I get to set up my own apartment as I want. I get to be closer to my Chicago family. I get to establish new routines, find new grocery stores, and new favorite haunts.

Inwardly I dread moving and transitions. Apartment hunting and signing. Packing, actual moving, and the unpacking. Energy to begin new relationships. Strength to say goodbye well. Changing close relationships. Losing others. Being uncomfortable in new situations. Learning new social and neighborhood norms. I should think I'd have these skills down by now! I may have them honed, but I don't want to use them. Can I be normal for once and not have change in my life?

Or is change normal?

God never said life would have no changes. As He redeemed Israel from Egypt, He changed almost every aspect of life to reflect Himself in every-day activities. When Jesus came, He changed the world completely. Instead of just activities, He changed hearts and He created a new lifestyle. To be an ambassador of Him is to be changed continuously: being molded into a being more reflective of Him than before.

Change in inevitable.

And so is His Presence.

He is present in every change. Nothing happens without Him being there, allowing it, since He is "with [us], even to the end of the age." And if He is there, He is my strength to stand under the stressors. He is the comfort when my pain emerges. He is wisdom when my relationships change. He is understanding when new norms are confusing for me.

He shows His power if and when we look to Him for the strength. He shows His love when we ask for comfort. He shows His omniscience when we trust His wisdom.

"Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; 

it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

For the word of the LORD is right and true;

He is faithful in all He does.

The LORD loves righteousness and justice;

the earth is full of His unfailing love.

"The plans of the LORD stand firm forever,

The purposes of his heart through all generations.

"We wait in hope for the LORD;

He is our help and our shield.

In Him our heartrs rejoice,

for we trust in His holy name.

"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD

Even as we put our hope in You."

(Excerpts of Psalm 33)

One Year Ago

One year ago last night, my high hopes of  teaching art, PE, and possibly coaching, were utterly and unexpectedly destroyed. I had five precious minutes to process alone, before joining the others to organize, distribute and pack for our month long bike trip, going to bed after 2am.

One year ago this morning I woke up at 4:30 am and at 6am, took off biking with Natalie and Nathaniel. Everything that we'd need for the next 32 days was on our bikes: clothes, camping gear, camp-cooking equipment and dishes, food (which we replenished along the way), first aid, bike repair tools, cameras and much anticipation for what the month would hold!

One year ago this afternoon, we biked until it was 100 degrees at 11am, and took a siesta while the temp soared to 105. At 5pm, it dropped back under 100 degrees and we took off again. Vineyards, orchards, and olive groves lined the way. Rocky, mediterranean hills/mountains rose before and around us. The glory of the world God has made was shouting from the vast display of ever-rising hills and stretched out cultivated land.

One year ago today, I knew I would spend another year in Chicago, internally aching for the loss of the life in Haiti, and also internally rejoicing to continue digging my home-roots into Chicago. Such pain and joy at the same time, about the same thing -it is beyond words. I held it in. But God knew.

One year ago, I did not see the friendships that would deepen as those relationships crossed the 1-year threshold. I've learned that not everyone moves after 1-2 year in the United States. My church has become a dear family to me, as God's given this extra time here. I have real "family" to spend Thanksgivings and Easters and random days with, when a bit over a year ago, they were only names and faces, and nothing more. But God saw them.

One year ago, I didn't know my Monday Sisters. It hadn't been formed. We hadn't bonded. We were not close friends. We did not hold each other accountable. But God knew. And I know He basked in the joy of what He had in store for me and all of us!

One year ago I started on a specific journey to lean on God, the great Provider, Protector, and Healer. And I will be on this journey forever. Learning to lean on Him is not easy. But it is good, as I'm reminded often when I listen to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehkg7-SVByk

One year ago, I didn't know what it would hold. But God did. And WOW. He has blown my mind. He is good, what He does is good, and when He closes a door, He opens up the gate to something Waaaaay better, since it brings us closer to Him.

Multi-cultural Experiences

Cultures.
Multi-cultural experiences.

Ethnicities.
Multi-ethnic experiences.

I was recently asked to list all my multi-cultural and multi-ethnic experiences for a scholarship application. Simply list the experiences. I laughed.

I started, and it took a while. A long while. With only bullet-points and sub-points, I had over 500+ words to cut down to less than 200. How do you decide what parts are "more" multi-cultural than others?

The "multi-cultural and multi-ethnic" experiences "only" comprised my entire life story. Cultural and ethnic experiences happen everywhere, across the globe, within the United States, and even inside one specific city. When I moved to and from Eleuthera. When I moved to rural Nebraska. When I moved to China. When I worked in a nursing home. When I worked in downtown Chicago. When living with mono-culturals. Each place I lived and worked glowed with different races and ethnicities, cultures and mindsets, thinking patterns and actions I didn't know.

There are some things I need to say.

1. Life is multi-cultural. Each place has a different culture, therefore everything is a multi-cultural experience. Seek with understanding.
2. Life is multi-racial. It is. Look at the globe, and what people look like. Black, Hispanic, White, Asian. See with understanding.
3. Life is multi-ethnic. Every person I have ever talked to comes from a special ethnicity. Colors are great... but there's different ethnicities within colors. Bahamians and Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans and Mexicans, Germans and  Scandinavians, Chinese and Filipinos. Enjoy with understanding.

What is multi-cultural in your life? How has it influenced you? 

Culture Clash: Rabbit, in the city, sleeping by a window with people.

Mixes

Gains = Losses

God, are losses okay?
Is the pain along with the loss okay too?

I read someone else's blog today. I rarely do actually. But this one was specifically sent to me through email, and it caught my attention: "15 Things I want to Tell My Third Culture Kids." As she wrote her heart to her kids, she showed something few have. She writes to her kids, using memories, pictures, and words of what she sees and knows to be true. She tells them what they need to hear.

She has a gift of seeing the truth of what another person is going through, acknowledging it, and then being open to hearing what they have to say about it. I was caught off guard. How many parents acknowledge that their choices have both positive and negatives for their kids? What parent then wants their kids to see, acknowledge, and comment on how those choices have affected them, both the blessings and the hardships? Not many.

For every person, there are blessings of where we grew up, went to school, the culture whether it be urban, suburban, rural or foreign, jobs we've held, etc. Then there are the challenges of those same things. The gains and the losses all come together. When we gain something, we lose something.




The gains need to be recognized.
The losses need to be recognized.
Acceptance of both brings healing.
Contrasts, create deep beauty.





If we only recognize and admit to the gains, we do not handle life clearly. There is a shadow side that demands attention. If stifled, it will come out in other "acceptable" ways, that are not healthy.

This author sees both the positives and negatives in the lives of her kids. What courage to face truths that are "not nice." And what healing it brings to the child to hear the one caring for them, acknowledging that there is pain in their lives. She sees what they need, a listening, caring, ear, even if it hurts.

I needed to hear those words. We all need to hear those words. Life, and particularly are childhoods have deep positive memories that are unique to each of us. It also contains some deep painful memories. It is okay. Out of losses, our character grows.

God gained a world by Creating it.
God lost a Son to Save it.
God gained a world to Relate with.



(and for those who care, this is somewhat chiastically structured ;o)