Moving Musings

The Abbey. The Downtown Abbey of Chicago. Close to work, friends, and Lake Michigan. L tracks right next to us, ambulances at all hours of the night, and people everywhere. Flower baskets, Christmas lights, and anticipation in the air. The Abbey. A place of refuge for a college graduate. A haven for Child Care Worker turned barista. Rest for a tired soul. Home.

About three weeks ago, the situation became clear. I wasn't planning on it. I did not want to do it. But it was needed. I chose to move.

That last word slowed life to a halt. I was choosing to leave the home I knew, the location I loved. Reasons for moving were real and pressing.

But I don't like moving, even though I can pack a box with items to be moved so that there is no packing material needed, no corner left unused, and therefore using as few boxes as possible. Even though I know the boxes, how to label each and write it down to eliminate digging through 10 boxes for the 1 item I need. Even though I can stack odd-shaped boxes without wasting an inch of floor/car/moving space.

I have moved 11 times. This is #12. Moving is "old-hat." Outwardly excited, this time I get to set up my own apartment as I want. I get to be closer to my Chicago family. I get to establish new routines, find new grocery stores, and new favorite haunts.

Inwardly I dread moving and transitions. Apartment hunting and signing. Packing, actual moving, and the unpacking. Energy to begin new relationships. Strength to say goodbye well. Changing close relationships. Losing others. Being uncomfortable in new situations. Learning new social and neighborhood norms. I should think I'd have these skills down by now! I may have them honed, but I don't want to use them. Can I be normal for once and not have change in my life?

Or is change normal?

God never said life would have no changes. As He redeemed Israel from Egypt, He changed almost every aspect of life to reflect Himself in every-day activities. When Jesus came, He changed the world completely. Instead of just activities, He changed hearts and He created a new lifestyle. To be an ambassador of Him is to be changed continuously: being molded into a being more reflective of Him than before.

Change in inevitable.

And so is His Presence.

He is present in every change. Nothing happens without Him being there, allowing it, since He is "with [us], even to the end of the age." And if He is there, He is my strength to stand under the stressors. He is the comfort when my pain emerges. He is wisdom when my relationships change. He is understanding when new norms are confusing for me.

He shows His power if and when we look to Him for the strength. He shows His love when we ask for comfort. He shows His omniscience when we trust His wisdom.

"Sing joyfully to the LORD, you righteous; 

it is fitting for the upright to praise him.

For the word of the LORD is right and true;

He is faithful in all He does.

The LORD loves righteousness and justice;

the earth is full of His unfailing love.

"The plans of the LORD stand firm forever,

The purposes of his heart through all generations.

"We wait in hope for the LORD;

He is our help and our shield.

In Him our heartrs rejoice,

for we trust in His holy name.

"May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD

Even as we put our hope in You."

(Excerpts of Psalm 33)

One Year Ago

One year ago last night, my high hopes of  teaching art, PE, and possibly coaching, were utterly and unexpectedly destroyed. I had five precious minutes to process alone, before joining the others to organize, distribute and pack for our month long bike trip, going to bed after 2am.

One year ago this morning I woke up at 4:30 am and at 6am, took off biking with Natalie and Nathaniel. Everything that we'd need for the next 32 days was on our bikes: clothes, camping gear, camp-cooking equipment and dishes, food (which we replenished along the way), first aid, bike repair tools, cameras and much anticipation for what the month would hold!

One year ago this afternoon, we biked until it was 100 degrees at 11am, and took a siesta while the temp soared to 105. At 5pm, it dropped back under 100 degrees and we took off again. Vineyards, orchards, and olive groves lined the way. Rocky, mediterranean hills/mountains rose before and around us. The glory of the world God has made was shouting from the vast display of ever-rising hills and stretched out cultivated land.

One year ago today, I knew I would spend another year in Chicago, internally aching for the loss of the life in Haiti, and also internally rejoicing to continue digging my home-roots into Chicago. Such pain and joy at the same time, about the same thing -it is beyond words. I held it in. But God knew.

One year ago, I did not see the friendships that would deepen as those relationships crossed the 1-year threshold. I've learned that not everyone moves after 1-2 year in the United States. My church has become a dear family to me, as God's given this extra time here. I have real "family" to spend Thanksgivings and Easters and random days with, when a bit over a year ago, they were only names and faces, and nothing more. But God saw them.

One year ago, I didn't know my Monday Sisters. It hadn't been formed. We hadn't bonded. We were not close friends. We did not hold each other accountable. But God knew. And I know He basked in the joy of what He had in store for me and all of us!

One year ago I started on a specific journey to lean on God, the great Provider, Protector, and Healer. And I will be on this journey forever. Learning to lean on Him is not easy. But it is good, as I'm reminded often when I listen to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehkg7-SVByk

One year ago, I didn't know what it would hold. But God did. And WOW. He has blown my mind. He is good, what He does is good, and when He closes a door, He opens up the gate to something Waaaaay better, since it brings us closer to Him.

The One

Faithful, Honest, Ever True,

Just the Same and Always New;

Joyful, Open, and Secure,

He's the One, his Heart is Pure.

Love and Care are in his Eye,

Lis'ning Ear for Those Who Cry;

Strength and Might are in his Arms,

In his Hands, Fear Dis-Alarms.