Things I Wanted to Hear

Remember back to different locations, moves, events, and people, I'm flooded by different  thoughts and emotions and needs. This is about my story, and perhaps anyone else out there who has played hopscotch with countries and cultures (or been close, good onlookers, of those who played).

I have had much support and encouragement over the years. And I also find there are some things that would have been really encouraging to hear if they were not used as stand-alone phrases.  It is  encouraging to hear words of encouragement that connect to a reason and reality. Otherwise it is easy for meaningful words to sound hollow.

It's ok to be sad. Grieving a loss does not mean there is no excitement for the future. Driving onto the on-ramp of I-80 as we left Omaha to head back to Eleuthera, I left friends and memories; places and people that changed me. Hearing the news that we wouldn't be moving to Germany, but rather Nebraska, hit me hard. I would actually have to live like a "normal" American... what does that look like?!

You are normal for what you have gone through. Not just the "you are normal" part, but the end where instead of judging to the standard of "normal" -whatever that is- it is linked to an experience. Yes, I may not have acted, thought, or in some places even looked like those around me. Living in an American family in a different country, but playing and being with Bahamians in and after school, traveling and talking with Americans mostly about my parents' job (or what I did or didn't know of American culture) set me up to be exactly who I was. Judging from what my life experiences had taught me, I was normal. It would have been abnormal for me to have acted and thought just like my American or Bahamian counterparts.

It's ok to say "no" and/or not like something. Not helping someone with their homework did not make my decision racial. Not doing what a sibling wanted did not mean I didn't love them. Not liking cassava didn't mean I didn't appreciate old-time culture. Not wanting to be around certain people after they attacked my character was okay. Treating them with respect is still a must. But "negative" emotions are not "bad." They are real and impact life.

It's okay for you to hold yourself with value and not allow others to pummel you. Playing on a new volleyball team at a new school, only to hear teammates and coaches talking behind my back with ridicule and favoritism was not okay. There was no need for me to put on the "nice facade" of silence/ignorance and nice-ness demanded by the 'Christian culture' to "keep the unity." Ever heard "the least said is the quickest mended?" It may be a quick fix and "serve the peace", but it doesn't heal -it can hide authenticity, and deteriorate trust.

There is pain, and it is okay, just as there is joy and it is okay too. Squashing or ignoring one, will result in the other being distorted. Like sunsets while camping at a beach: The same clouds can be breathtakingly beautiful, and immediately filled with doom when they become a wall of rain and storm clouds. If moving, or saying a long-term goodbye, or grieving, hearing the words, "just think about what's coming next" or "Lets think about the positive" does not eliminate. Rather it ignores a part of the present and gives the impression that the present isn't important, and that whatever is hard, sad, or hurtful isn't okay to acknowledge! This stinks!

It is okay to "do" nothing if that is what your soul needs to simply "be" and "be whole." I'm not talking about laziness. Traveling and speaking at conferences and churches, playing on sports teams, completing school work, having guests over or being a guest, "having" to play with neighbors, Bible clubs, more traveling, more activities, more things to do. Activities are part of living. I needed time to be with myself and others as people, not be a pon or fixture in the game of life.

Chicago Comforts

In the last three months, I've begun to cherish some things in Chicago. 

Why now? Well, as the old cliche goes, 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I cherish nature. Walking through Humbolt Park, Lincoln Park, even down a city street flooded with fall mums and corn-stalks brighten my day. I can look up through the clear, crisp blue sky and relax. God is still working out beauty in the city through plants.

I cherish tea (and warmth!). During the chilly walk home, I look forward to making a cup of spearmint tea, bundling up in my chair, and reading. Yes, it will be a text book I hold in my hands, but, hey, I am going to enjoy my tea! -It sure makes the text-book much more appealing!

I cherish music. I don't know how many days I come home, and just have to sing at least one favorite hymns, just for the joy of singing! Five minutes of music, lifts my spirits. God is beyond words, and these songs just point towards Him.

I cherish walks. The simple, one mile to work, weaving around people on the sidewalks, brings me joy. I look forward to those 20 minutes of inner solitude.

I cherish relationships. Time may be limited to Sunday's, but these moments, sometimes hours with friends, lift my soul for the next few days. By Thursday night, I am looking forward to Sunday again. Singing, talking, laughing and sharing with friends. Friends of all ages. Friends of months, and friends of years.

I cherish relationships of longevity. Going to church and being with and talking with people who I have known for 2-4 years is very encouraging. Some of these are the people who have laughed with me over skits, teared up over changes, listened and encouraged during decisions, yelled during the Bears games, biked miles of bike paths, cooked different ethnic foods, and simply are there beside me in life. 

Thank you Lord for these comforts in Chicago, these little things to meet needs. You hear, You see, and You know, and now You are providing in Your own unique way.  You are Sufficient.

Back to School Rafting

During these past 2 years of finding stability after college, I have been learning and practicing how to steer the boat of life more gently and understand which rocks and rapids I can and cannot handle.



I have been looking ahead at the distant white foam and spray of graduate school. Now it is here, all around me. Rocks. Spray. Scenery. The boat. Other rafters. Water.

The river raft of life has entered another stretch of white water. As different waves toss different issues of life up into the air, what is on the inside of my boat will come out. For a life as a counselor, do I want to keep it? or change it? or let it get out of my life? What new tools and equipment do I need for this specific river and the river branch(es) that I individually will be one after school? Which style of steering will I adapt to? Who will be with me in the boat now, helping me steer? push ahead? bail water?




Each class has its boulders, creating different water currents, spray patterns, and hitting different sides of the boat. My calendar is filled, marking each, preparing for each, and with God's help, passing each safely.

Along with boulders is my boat itself, carrying me through this, allowing me to go through this channel of white water. Working at Lawry's The Prime Rib as host and server with a few hours at Starbucks each week are giving the air needed to keep me afloat. Here is a tricky part I am beginning to negotiate: when too full of air, the raft may pop; when too low on air, the raft (and I) may sink. I pray for wisdom and guidance in discerning this balance.

With raft and rocks to think about, I often get caught up in the logistics. Yet I pray that I never lose sight of the scenery, the little things that make up the time and place He has placed me. These are gifts to be enjoyed, not ignored.

There are other boats around me. I am not alone. Some near, some far. I see the different colors of each. Some have traveled beside me at church. Others survived the rapids of Moody with me and then lost contact. Now they are showing up as I enter this stretch. Many are new boats, new people I haven't met that God has brought into my life for these months ahead. I pray and look to see how we will influence each other, giving and receiving help, encouraging and pointing out leaks. May we strengthen each other.



And the best part of the trip, the essential that is easily forgotten, the crucial aspect to rafting, and the only way for my boat to enter, stay afloat, interact with others, and thrive is still the uncontrollable part of rafting: The Water itself. The water that I must trust. The water that sometimes seems calm. Sometimes rough. Sometimes angry. Sometimes gentle. Sometimes refreshing. Sometimes annoying. Sometimes painful. Sometimes seemily far away. Sometimes drenching. Sometimes pushing. Sometimes pulling. Sometimes easy. Sometimes difficult. Sometimes pure strength. Sometimes calm. Without this water, my boat would be nowhere.

Without the Lord, I would be nowhere.

Summer Sun 2013

Summer has flown by. And according to my online persona of facebook or this blog, my summer has been quite monotonous, with little happening. Thankfully, my lack of online presence indicates that reality is very much full and changing. Here are highlights that stand out to me.

• I fully commit to camping with a hammock. My family camped for 3 nights on a small, sparsely inhabited island in the Exuma Cays. From spearing our dinner 1/2 hour before cooking it, snorkeling in a land and sea park, and locating old natural cisterns, the best part was climbing a tree, wiggling into a hammock, and being gently rocked to sleep without any tree roots, stones, or crabs burrowing underneath!

  

  One to sit during day, One to sleep in at night

  

  Exuma Land and Sea Park

  

  Dinner -at least for some night in the future

  
  
  
  
• I do believe in sea-horses! I DO believe in sea-horses! I do, I Do, I DO! Though growing up on an island and knowing many of the natural attractions, we had missed this one. An old friend directed us to a specific pond that was home to seahorses and octopus. The feeling of dry yet sticky, smooth, yet strong skin of octopus on my hands and arms will not be forgotten quickly. Neither the sight of an itty-bitty 2 inch sea-horse, holding onto seaweed with its tail on the pond floor, blending in perfectly with the surroundings. What a gift to behold God's wonderfully and quirkily created animals. Added bonuses: watching pea-sized lizard eggs hatch and a Cicada bug molt!
  
  
  
  
  
  

  

  Hatched lizards with eggs in a quart-sized ziplock

  

  Cicada

  

  Cicada bug molting

  
  
  
  
• I am a student of Trinity  Evangelical Seminary, as I begin the road to licensure as a counselor. I dream of working among children and young adults who have faced or are facing multiple transitions in their lives, specifically cultural moves between cities, regions, and countries. Lord willing, my classroom studies will be done in 2-3 years, and after internships and enough hours of experience, I will be a licensed counselor. 
  

• I continue to be a Starbucks barista several days a week, and have taken a second job at Lawry's The Prime Rib as a host and server. God, my Provider carefully weaved this position/schedule, and has grown my faith in many ways as He has smoothed over detail after detail in multiple areas. 

If God provides for 2 feet long Iguanas, only found on 2 tiny islands,
Then I and the world, have nothing to fear.

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

One Year Ago

One year ago last night, my high hopes of  teaching art, PE, and possibly coaching, were utterly and unexpectedly destroyed. I had five precious minutes to process alone, before joining the others to organize, distribute and pack for our month long bike trip, going to bed after 2am.

One year ago this morning I woke up at 4:30 am and at 6am, took off biking with Natalie and Nathaniel. Everything that we'd need for the next 32 days was on our bikes: clothes, camping gear, camp-cooking equipment and dishes, food (which we replenished along the way), first aid, bike repair tools, cameras and much anticipation for what the month would hold!

One year ago this afternoon, we biked until it was 100 degrees at 11am, and took a siesta while the temp soared to 105. At 5pm, it dropped back under 100 degrees and we took off again. Vineyards, orchards, and olive groves lined the way. Rocky, mediterranean hills/mountains rose before and around us. The glory of the world God has made was shouting from the vast display of ever-rising hills and stretched out cultivated land.

One year ago today, I knew I would spend another year in Chicago, internally aching for the loss of the life in Haiti, and also internally rejoicing to continue digging my home-roots into Chicago. Such pain and joy at the same time, about the same thing -it is beyond words. I held it in. But God knew.

One year ago, I did not see the friendships that would deepen as those relationships crossed the 1-year threshold. I've learned that not everyone moves after 1-2 year in the United States. My church has become a dear family to me, as God's given this extra time here. I have real "family" to spend Thanksgivings and Easters and random days with, when a bit over a year ago, they were only names and faces, and nothing more. But God saw them.

One year ago, I didn't know my Monday Sisters. It hadn't been formed. We hadn't bonded. We were not close friends. We did not hold each other accountable. But God knew. And I know He basked in the joy of what He had in store for me and all of us!

One year ago I started on a specific journey to lean on God, the great Provider, Protector, and Healer. And I will be on this journey forever. Learning to lean on Him is not easy. But it is good, as I'm reminded often when I listen to this song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehkg7-SVByk

One year ago, I didn't know what it would hold. But God did. And WOW. He has blown my mind. He is good, what He does is good, and when He closes a door, He opens up the gate to something Waaaaay better, since it brings us closer to Him.

The One

Faithful, Honest, Ever True,

Just the Same and Always New;

Joyful, Open, and Secure,

He's the One, his Heart is Pure.

Love and Care are in his Eye,

Lis'ning Ear for Those Who Cry;

Strength and Might are in his Arms,

In his Hands, Fear Dis-Alarms.

Multi-cultural Experiences

Cultures.
Multi-cultural experiences.

Ethnicities.
Multi-ethnic experiences.

I was recently asked to list all my multi-cultural and multi-ethnic experiences for a scholarship application. Simply list the experiences. I laughed.

I started, and it took a while. A long while. With only bullet-points and sub-points, I had over 500+ words to cut down to less than 200. How do you decide what parts are "more" multi-cultural than others?

The "multi-cultural and multi-ethnic" experiences "only" comprised my entire life story. Cultural and ethnic experiences happen everywhere, across the globe, within the United States, and even inside one specific city. When I moved to and from Eleuthera. When I moved to rural Nebraska. When I moved to China. When I worked in a nursing home. When I worked in downtown Chicago. When living with mono-culturals. Each place I lived and worked glowed with different races and ethnicities, cultures and mindsets, thinking patterns and actions I didn't know.

There are some things I need to say.

1. Life is multi-cultural. Each place has a different culture, therefore everything is a multi-cultural experience. Seek with understanding.
2. Life is multi-racial. It is. Look at the globe, and what people look like. Black, Hispanic, White, Asian. See with understanding.
3. Life is multi-ethnic. Every person I have ever talked to comes from a special ethnicity. Colors are great... but there's different ethnicities within colors. Bahamians and Jamaicans, Puerto Ricans and Mexicans, Germans and  Scandinavians, Chinese and Filipinos. Enjoy with understanding.

What is multi-cultural in your life? How has it influenced you? 

Culture Clash: Rabbit, in the city, sleeping by a window with people.

Mixes

"It's Too..."

My dear Customers, Chicagoans and Americans,


Do you know that each year, there are four seasons?

Do you know that each year there will be a summer, fall, winter, and spring?

Do you know that each place on the map has a unique climate, that though it is not specifically exactly the same, summer will be similar to past summers, fall will be similar to past falls, winter will be similar to past winters, and spring will be similar to past springs?

Do you know that we even have people's who's job it is to look at current weather patterns and give us a pretty good idea of what to expect for the next few days -even down to hours? 

Do you know that you have a choice as to what clothing you wear during these  seasons?

Do you know that you have a choice to move if you do not like the current, or coming season wherever you are living?

Do you know that you have a choice in how you respond to the weather around you?

Do you know that you can respond well to things that aren't your favorite or things you simply don't like?

Do you know that all these questions are rhetorical, and the content found within is true?

If you did not know these many things, you do now!

Expressing yourself is one thing. Complaining is another. Complaining about what you cannot change doesn't change it. But it often changes you, and eventually our relationship.

"Its too..."  Let's think about that phrase. The person using it, is saying that they are the judge as to what is good, bad, hot, cold, colorful, happy, rainy, etc. These are adjectives, meant to describe, not to be a standard set by each individual. If you don't like it, admit it, and own your own likes or dislikes. 

The issue goes deeper. When giving up the phrase "it's too..."  a feeling of control is lost. No longer is the speaker in control of what should happen. They are now a bystander that is being affected by something. From the very beginning, people wanted control, to know and judge what is good and bad. It is a bit unsettling, even scary to not be in control. Even a twinge of fear comes in when we acknowledge we are not in control -because aren't we supposed to be in control of everything according to culture?

No. We are not made to be in control. We are made to have responsibility and authority. We have a God who is sovereign over all aspects of life. That means He is all loving, and all powerful, and together, He does only what is best for the overall glory of His name, which is the best thing in the world. We don't need to control things or people; He can do that if He needs or wants to. It is a hard truth to swallow, yet it releases a freedom from fears. Fear of not being in control, not measuring up... and even fears of not enjoying my day because of lots of rain, or lots of hot sun.

So, if God wants it to be cold a lot in a specific part of the country and then really hot and you don't like the cold or the heat-then move your attitude or your location! It's not snowing or sunny too much in a place if that's how much God wants it!

And please, purdy please don't tell me that it's too hot on the first warm days we have, when all winter you've complained about it being too cold, too snowy, and too dreary.  

Love,
Laura Lei Lou


~This author continues to not enjoy unasked for complaints about the weather from customers as she makes their lattes, cappaccino's and frappuccino's.

The Present Story: While Gazing at a Little Tree

Outside of my garden-apartment window, a tree stands. A small tree, yet sturdy little thing. From my haven, I look at it all year long. It is a tree that transports a person out of the city, into a quiet place. A quiet place of the heart. It doesn't change. Same location, same size, same branches, same tree. And yet, it does change. It can tell a story, the story of the last few months of my life in Chicago, as I have sat peering at it.

My tree, from my haven

December found it waiting. The radiance of summer joy and trips, gone. Coloured leaves fallen, branches shivering in the cold, it stood there, waiting, waiting for something to happen. During this time of waiting, a Bible study Monday mornings, brought together by God, became a source of refuge, strength, and accountability, as we met and talked together, over the book, Idol Lies, by Dee Brestin.

January found this tree covered in white -to busy to notice and shake the snow that covered its branches, or the cold wind that silently chilled its heart. Applications submitted to grad schools took precedence, daily taking time and energy. Weekly French classes and volunteering at a local homeless shelter in the administrative offices commenced, beginning several new journeys. Especially the French journey.

Ice skating with a roommate in downtown Chicago

February, this cold tree had multiple visitors look at it from my haven. Family friends from Oregon, parents from Kansas City, and a college friend from Texas, brought joy and energy. I gazed many times at the tree as I sat preparing Adult Bible Learning (aka adult Sunday school) lessons, covering God's plan through the whole Bible, from creation, the fall, and His story of bringing full redemption and restoration to the world in order to live and be with us, as His new creation. It never was really about the characters of the story -it is about the Author, and a much bigger plan that He had in mind.... and he used characters to make His plan, and promises reality. Full Redemption of all relationships. I can't wait! Plus, February brought some fun into life, including ice skating, a French tutor, and learning lots of French verb conjugations. :)



With hints of warmth coming in March, I enjoyed looking with hope at this bare tree, wondering where and when the first buds would come out. Waiting for grad school responses, I continued co-teaching ABL, singing or running tech team for worship services, and simply being in friendships...and cooking fun, new things!

Steak, baked mini-potatoes, and roasted tomatoes

Cinnamon rolls...

...Became an Easter basket

Vegan double-chocolate cake.
(Bike transportation: NOT recommended... ;)

April finds me looking at a spindly, still-grey tree, above soft green grass! It is spring! And new life and plans are coming into focus. Usually when I'm staring at my tree, counseling grad programs, planning a summer weekend bike trip, and organizing a vacation back to where I grew up, fill my thoughts. Warm weather (above 40 degrees) brings biking and running back into weekly life, giving time to think ahead and pray about trusting God with the future. He's got a much bigger plan, and I look forward to someday in heaven understanding how I fit into it. :)

Until then, I wait with hope! and with my ever-growing flower garden!

Using Gifts

Where have my creative juices gone? 

"Don't worry, they're still there" is what is said...but in reality... are they? They just can't be seen, because they're hidden. 

• It's safer. If someone saw them, then they might be used, criticized and become an object of ridicule.
• It's easier. If no one knows of them, they won't be called to on to be used. Besides, they won't bring joy to anyone else.
• It's calmer. If they were used, when would "necessary" things done?
• It's more comfortable. If used, they'd have to stretch. They'd be pained.

That sure makes it safer, easier, calmer and more comfortable...here in the present. 

But that's not what God called us to. Safe, easy, calm and comfortable were not in Jesus' vocabulary for life. He gave us gifts to use, to enjoy! 

• It is risky: But perfect love casts out fear; and He is abounding in love.
• It is hard: But using what we have uses the gifts we have, which DOES bring joy and encouragement to others through our gifts.
• It is turbulent: But God brings peace when He is the focus, though the storm may not subside.
• It is painful: But out of suffering comes joy and character -gifts we can re-gift back.