Things I Wanted to Hear

Remember back to different locations, moves, events, and people, I'm flooded by different  thoughts and emotions and needs. This is about my story, and perhaps anyone else out there who has played hopscotch with countries and cultures (or been close, good onlookers, of those who played).

I have had much support and encouragement over the years. And I also find there are some things that would have been really encouraging to hear if they were not used as stand-alone phrases.  It is  encouraging to hear words of encouragement that connect to a reason and reality. Otherwise it is easy for meaningful words to sound hollow.

It's ok to be sad. Grieving a loss does not mean there is no excitement for the future. Driving onto the on-ramp of I-80 as we left Omaha to head back to Eleuthera, I left friends and memories; places and people that changed me. Hearing the news that we wouldn't be moving to Germany, but rather Nebraska, hit me hard. I would actually have to live like a "normal" American... what does that look like?!

You are normal for what you have gone through. Not just the "you are normal" part, but the end where instead of judging to the standard of "normal" -whatever that is- it is linked to an experience. Yes, I may not have acted, thought, or in some places even looked like those around me. Living in an American family in a different country, but playing and being with Bahamians in and after school, traveling and talking with Americans mostly about my parents' job (or what I did or didn't know of American culture) set me up to be exactly who I was. Judging from what my life experiences had taught me, I was normal. It would have been abnormal for me to have acted and thought just like my American or Bahamian counterparts.

It's ok to say "no" and/or not like something. Not helping someone with their homework did not make my decision racial. Not doing what a sibling wanted did not mean I didn't love them. Not liking cassava didn't mean I didn't appreciate old-time culture. Not wanting to be around certain people after they attacked my character was okay. Treating them with respect is still a must. But "negative" emotions are not "bad." They are real and impact life.

It's okay for you to hold yourself with value and not allow others to pummel you. Playing on a new volleyball team at a new school, only to hear teammates and coaches talking behind my back with ridicule and favoritism was not okay. There was no need for me to put on the "nice facade" of silence/ignorance and nice-ness demanded by the 'Christian culture' to "keep the unity." Ever heard "the least said is the quickest mended?" It may be a quick fix and "serve the peace", but it doesn't heal -it can hide authenticity, and deteriorate trust.

There is pain, and it is okay, just as there is joy and it is okay too. Squashing or ignoring one, will result in the other being distorted. Like sunsets while camping at a beach: The same clouds can be breathtakingly beautiful, and immediately filled with doom when they become a wall of rain and storm clouds. If moving, or saying a long-term goodbye, or grieving, hearing the words, "just think about what's coming next" or "Lets think about the positive" does not eliminate. Rather it ignores a part of the present and gives the impression that the present isn't important, and that whatever is hard, sad, or hurtful isn't okay to acknowledge! This stinks!

It is okay to "do" nothing if that is what your soul needs to simply "be" and "be whole." I'm not talking about laziness. Traveling and speaking at conferences and churches, playing on sports teams, completing school work, having guests over or being a guest, "having" to play with neighbors, Bible clubs, more traveling, more activities, more things to do. Activities are part of living. I needed time to be with myself and others as people, not be a pon or fixture in the game of life.

Chicago Comforts

In the last three months, I've begun to cherish some things in Chicago. 

Why now? Well, as the old cliche goes, 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I cherish nature. Walking through Humbolt Park, Lincoln Park, even down a city street flooded with fall mums and corn-stalks brighten my day. I can look up through the clear, crisp blue sky and relax. God is still working out beauty in the city through plants.

I cherish tea (and warmth!). During the chilly walk home, I look forward to making a cup of spearmint tea, bundling up in my chair, and reading. Yes, it will be a text book I hold in my hands, but, hey, I am going to enjoy my tea! -It sure makes the text-book much more appealing!

I cherish music. I don't know how many days I come home, and just have to sing at least one favorite hymns, just for the joy of singing! Five minutes of music, lifts my spirits. God is beyond words, and these songs just point towards Him.

I cherish walks. The simple, one mile to work, weaving around people on the sidewalks, brings me joy. I look forward to those 20 minutes of inner solitude.

I cherish relationships. Time may be limited to Sunday's, but these moments, sometimes hours with friends, lift my soul for the next few days. By Thursday night, I am looking forward to Sunday again. Singing, talking, laughing and sharing with friends. Friends of all ages. Friends of months, and friends of years.

I cherish relationships of longevity. Going to church and being with and talking with people who I have known for 2-4 years is very encouraging. Some of these are the people who have laughed with me over skits, teared up over changes, listened and encouraged during decisions, yelled during the Bears games, biked miles of bike paths, cooked different ethnic foods, and simply are there beside me in life. 

Thank you Lord for these comforts in Chicago, these little things to meet needs. You hear, You see, and You know, and now You are providing in Your own unique way.  You are Sufficient.